It is sometimes hard to really look into yourself and see the good. And I don't mean that in a self loathing type of way, just that you just don't always recognize the character inside yourself because it is just you. Well, today I had a light bulb moment. I couldn't put this any more plainly than saying; I honestly like myself. I have never lacked confidence in my own abilities - and I trust in who I am.
I have always believed anything can be accomplished where desire is had. I have never met a challenge I couldn't face head on. I truly believe anything can be worked out with patience, understanding, and diligent effort. Sometimes creativity and change are a must; one must be willing to roll with the punches, so to speak. One roadblock doesn't mean there isn't an alternate route just around the next corner. If you stop and retreat at the first one - you never come to a solution and there is never a breakthrough.
Because of this I feel that I have been able to meet whatever expectation is put upon me. I like to think I have excelled at most everything that I have ever put my mind to. That is not to say I have not seen failure - but I know that with my failures there was a failure to commit on my behalf. When I am committed I am capable. I don't live my life by doing anything I am not committed to which ensures success. Anyone who tries wholeheartedly can never fail...the only failure is not trying.
Even saying this out loud sounds arrogant, because having confidence in oneself is much different from being cocky - and it is a fine line. But I feel like my own understanding of what I can handle, can do nothing but propel me forward - ultimately benefiting whatever I am channeling my energy into. I believe if I use this can do/will do attitude to serve God's calling will lead me to truly make a difference.
I've been asking God what my next step was in Freedom Church. How can I a stay at home-now single with no income momma, be generous and support my church. The answer I have received time and time again is keep experimenting. Keep joining, keep connecting, keep on keeping on. I have no super talents that stand out or lead me one direction over another - but I do have the utmost confidence in myself to do anything asked of me.
Perhaps my calling to try it all out is because I know that I can do it - whatever His will, it will be done. For the past couple of months I have felt called to experiment in different ministries, to find where my niche is. I haven't felt called to one particular thing but to try every opportunity I am capable of. For some, this may seem like a very obtuse calling, but for me it makes sense. I believe wholeheartedly that I am capable of anything - it is just a matter of do I love it or do I not.
I love God and I love my church. I feel God led me to recognize this quality about myself at this time in my life for a reason. I have always been able to understand, manage, and excel in school or my job - but I didn't have the level of commitment I now have in my life that made me feel I could do anything. It is something he instilled in me for this very season of my life. I am thankful that in a world ridden with doubt and second guesses - that God has blessed me with this little chunk of the self realization. Consequentially enough - my pastor posted this message on his blog today AS I was writing this and considering whether I would post it or not. We are in a season where we are being challenged to step up and into our calling. I can't wait to see how it will be used for the glory of God and the good of others.
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