Today Marks a New Beginning

This has been a long time coming, and up until this point I have been at excited for what may come from the changes I am making in my life. Today, I am just petrified. I woke up fearful with a heavy heart and nothing seems to make it subside.

Today is the day that Joey moves out and I start a new direction in life being a single mom. We broke up about 2 months ago, but he has been here trying to find a place to stay and getting prepared to move. At times it has been awkward and emotional , and at others it has been comforting to have him around. As much as we butt heads he is my immediate source of support. We may have faced our issues but he is someone who I will always care for.

 I am certain we will both be better off after everything is said and done because my Father in heaven has promised to provide for me when I am in obedience to his word. That has driven me through this emotional roller coaster because I KNOW there is a happy ending. That doesn't stop be from being scared out of my mind to turn the page into this new chapter of my life.

Today marks a new beginning - one that I know I am capable of doing. I am familiar with this, and I am also familiar with how difficult it can be at times. However, my life at 20 was completely different than it is now. At 20 I had only one child, the help of both of my parents, and a career on which to support myself.

At age 24, I have my own 2 children and a little girl who I am very much still involved with - so 3! No job and no immediate plans to have one because I am trying to concentrate on family and school. Thank goodness for my dad stepping in and giving me some financial support until I am done with school. The part that scares me the most is living on my own - I have NEVER lived without my mom or dad, or Joey. But this time I am on my own....

ON MY OWN! I have never had so much on my plate and I am thankful and blessed to have received the opportunities I have. I am confident I can handle whatever is coming my way - it is just frightening because I don't know what that may be! I am sure that I will be stretched thin, challenged, and moved beyond my wildest dreams - which is ultimately what I want.

I have been praying for God to open my heart and mind to a life I never dreamed possible for myself. I am sure this is my opportunity to see what I am made of, and find some things out about myself I never knew were within me. When I look at it from that perspective it takes the concern I've had out of the equation and gives me a sense of peace and excitement.

PS...I feel much better now. Sometimes all I need is prayer and an outlet for what I have been internalizing. Journaling/blogging rocks my world.