Revelations

I don't know about everyone else, but I am just in awe of the way God can reveal things to you. I have been sitting here for the past week struggling with the idea of being alone, and not coming to realize it is exactly what I have needed. It is something I have prayed for, but not fully understanding the opportunity knocking at my door.

I was hit with the realization, that YES this is one of the hardest and scariest things I have ever put upon myself. YES I wanted changed and I really did  realize that it would be hard. I did not however realize the power of change, or even more so, the power of my God who enables this change to happen in my life.

Without even trying, the realization of what God is doing in my life washed over me. I think God reveals things in pieces, because only so much can be handled, or in my case, comprehended. I couldn't have realized that not only would being alone be the RIGHT thing for me, but that it was much more than that. It is exactly what I needed at this time in my life.

I have always had the support of other people; my parents, joey, my best friend, ect. Now, it is really up to me to see what I am made of. I know I cannot be the only mother in the world who doubts myself. We are all constantly struggling with making the right choices for our children. Are we saying or doing the wrong things? Am I interacting with them enough? Am I allowing them to be to reliant? Am I giving them all I have? Reading books and magazines, talking 'game' with other moms, comparing ourselves and our kids to everyone else. I am so guilty! After all, children are a product of their parents. Who do I want my kids to be?

So I am presented with an opportunity to not just be obedient to what God wants to do in my life, but to come to know myself. For the first time I can really be me, and implement exactly what I want in my children's lives - just the way I see fit. I am so self sufficient and independent, I hate asking for help with anything. I think this experience will really teach me to trust God, and to lean on Him when I have no one else to lean on. And through that, I can trust myself.

So, this is me...yielding to the spirit. I'm just along for the ride...