My heart aches - not in that mopey, self-serving, woe is me kind of way. It's really not about me at all, other than I'm finding that this certain subject consumes the entirety of my soul with compassion, concern, and a desire to do something.
Maybe it stems from the environment I was in growing up. Perhaps it is because the person I loved most in this world was the last person I could save. Or, because I have seen too many old friends, acquaintances, and young people in general sell their souls and give up their very lives at the hand of an addiction. It is senseless and heartbreaking.
Mostly, I think this blinding passion stems from really knowing someone suffering from this, inside and out - mind, body, and spirit. What I've learned is that people suffering from an addiction are not just stupid and reckless. They have heart and soul, and are fully capable of radiating love just as much as the rest of us. They are never a lost cause...ever...and deserve to experience life outside the bondage of addiction.
While they may be sick, they are not hopeless; they are lost, and in need of help. And prayer. And redirection. And encouragement. And support. I cannot stress those enough. It makes me ANGRY to see people fall victim to something because they think they're hopeless. No one is hopeless. No one is outside the reach of of being saved from an addiction.
A wise man by the name of Bishop TD Jakes has said that your misery is your ministry. I am finally understanding the scope of that statement. I want to make an impact, and over and over addiction has been laid on my heart. I'm talking blinding signs, it couldn't be made anymore clear to me. I can't go a day without the burden of knowing my story and my passion could help save a life.
I have suffered unimaginable pain as a direct result of other people's addictions, but it has inspired something in me I don't think will ever subside. I no longer hurt for myself, my mother, or my past. I hurt for others futures that I know I can touch and impact in a big way. Where to go from here I am unsure, but I do know this is for me. One life would be enough, but I hope for much more than that. Now I just need to figure out how to begin...
7.23.2011
7.08.2011
"Mommy, I want...."
- you carry me.
- Lavaloli (at 7am) (Interpretation=ravioli)
- Choc-ee Meeeeeeeeeelk...now PLEASE!
- A big boy hug
- to see my kykyyyyyy (his sister)
- big toe pop (he ONLY likes his big toe popped)
- you be a monster (he likes mommy's monster noise...no one will hear it but him!)
- to watch batman with my batman robot guy, batman motorcycle bike, and big batman.
- a 'jam-ich' (sandwich) and cars cheez itz
- to spin with you!...again!
- a race car
- you get me dooooown! (found him on the kitchen counter hunting for snacks AFTER lunch)
That was probably 1/10th of his requests for the day...we won't even get into the questions! He doesn't always get what he wants, but he makes sure I know it is [____T____H____I____S____] important. It must be the age, but EVERYTHING demands the utmost importance, and he doesn't easily forget or accept denials.
He's a demanding little batman loving, cabinet cleaning, inquisitive, playful, and outspoken little guy.
I love him for every single thing he is, and will become. I pray that as he grows, he turns his demands into passion that fuels dreams, goals, and actions. He has an energy that cannot be contained, and I see a bright future for him. Thankful for this guy, even when he ensures I don't get a single moment of silence in a day. Who can resist such a voice?
7.05.2011
It Starts with ME
This is a variation of an excerpt from "The Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Neibuhr.
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
This makes me giggle, mostly because I know and love the real serenity prayer, but also because it's so true.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change." How often do we spend our time plotting to change our significant other, our parents, our siblings, our best friend, our children. How many times have we heard you can't change people, only yourself. Loving people begins with acceptance, of who they are, where they come from, and what they believe in. Quirks, oddities, major malfunctions and all. I can't change people, but I can love them as they are....I believe there is something to love in everybody on this Earth, you just have to make it past YOUR (insert..MY..) judgments to find it.
"The courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." Ouch. The wisdom to know it's me. Scratch that singular boo-boo, make it a double ouch. Accept you can't change others, but know that you can always yourself. Realize that change starts with you....your perceptions, your judgments, your actions. If you want to see change in the world, or in others, model that behavior in yourself and see if it doesn't in turn change your views.
It's always me. I am responsible for my feelings, and I am the only person I can hold accountable for them. May I always know change starts in me before I can expect it anywhere else.
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
This makes me giggle, mostly because I know and love the real serenity prayer, but also because it's so true.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change." How often do we spend our time plotting to change our significant other, our parents, our siblings, our best friend, our children. How many times have we heard you can't change people, only yourself. Loving people begins with acceptance, of who they are, where they come from, and what they believe in. Quirks, oddities, major malfunctions and all. I can't change people, but I can love them as they are....I believe there is something to love in everybody on this Earth, you just have to make it past YOUR (insert..MY..) judgments to find it.
"The courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." Ouch. The wisdom to know it's me. Scratch that singular boo-boo, make it a double ouch. Accept you can't change others, but know that you can always yourself. Realize that change starts with you....your perceptions, your judgments, your actions. If you want to see change in the world, or in others, model that behavior in yourself and see if it doesn't in turn change your views.
It's always me. I am responsible for my feelings, and I am the only person I can hold accountable for them. May I always know change starts in me before I can expect it anywhere else.
7.02.2011
Who has issues?
Issues.
This has been a crazy week for me, not even schedule wise, just dealing with issues. That word really sums it up. It is amazing to me what one. single. word. can say, when at times it seems that no string of words could ever speak what is in your heart.
Obstacles.
And if I'm honest with myself, 'issues' really can't explain everything. Where are the feelings in that? While it can say 'problems, drama, and obstacles,' it doesn't lay out what goes into finding a solution to the problem, staying calm and faithful during a storm, or conquering an inconceivably large obstacle before you...or me, rather.
Overwhelmed.
'Issues' signifies that I'm going through a rough patch. It doesn't tell you I'm fighting tooth and nail against so many things that I truly feel overwhelmed. It also doesn't tell you that when I become overwhelmed with life, my past, hectic schedules, sleepless nights, or circumstances out of my control, it allows me to recognize I have something to work toward, and something to live for.
Overcome.
I overcome when I am overwhelmed. My issues will always be a catalyst for change, movement, and momentum. To me, issues means finding the strength to overcome. Having issues isn't always a bad thing, although it can sometimes seem that way when you are knee deep in raw emotions.
Thrive.
Today, I am in the midst of that storm. I am knee deep in raw emotions of all kinds; regret, fear, sadness, frustration, and impatience just to name a few. The great thing is, it won't last long. Because for me, this is a momentary valley of negativity. 'Issues' means it's time to find the strength that lies within and keep going. 'Issues' means I have the OPPORTUNITY to thrive.
...and I will.
This has been a crazy week for me, not even schedule wise, just dealing with issues. That word really sums it up. It is amazing to me what one. single. word. can say, when at times it seems that no string of words could ever speak what is in your heart.
Obstacles.
And if I'm honest with myself, 'issues' really can't explain everything. Where are the feelings in that? While it can say 'problems, drama, and obstacles,' it doesn't lay out what goes into finding a solution to the problem, staying calm and faithful during a storm, or conquering an inconceivably large obstacle before you...or me, rather.
Overwhelmed.
'Issues' signifies that I'm going through a rough patch. It doesn't tell you I'm fighting tooth and nail against so many things that I truly feel overwhelmed. It also doesn't tell you that when I become overwhelmed with life, my past, hectic schedules, sleepless nights, or circumstances out of my control, it allows me to recognize I have something to work toward, and something to live for.
Overcome.
I overcome when I am overwhelmed. My issues will always be a catalyst for change, movement, and momentum. To me, issues means finding the strength to overcome. Having issues isn't always a bad thing, although it can sometimes seem that way when you are knee deep in raw emotions.
Thrive.
Today, I am in the midst of that storm. I am knee deep in raw emotions of all kinds; regret, fear, sadness, frustration, and impatience just to name a few. The great thing is, it won't last long. Because for me, this is a momentary valley of negativity. 'Issues' means it's time to find the strength that lies within and keep going. 'Issues' means I have the OPPORTUNITY to thrive.
...and I will.
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