Leaps of Faith

I am a newly restored believer in Christ.

I am effin proud. And I feel so enthusiastically I just needed that effin(in all clean intentioned manner) for oomph.

And then there is me who needs some oomph as well. A swift kick in the butt could do me some good b/c I am staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiing.

I just had to write THIS INSTANT I think because I need to just call myself out so I can move on.

But I digress, I am a newly restored believer in Christ. And I am completely new to this whole listening to God and acting out his will deal. I am open to it..I yearn for it even. I have been listening to my heart and God's word and acting in Him the best I know how. From the smallest decisions each day I make a conscious effort to involve God and I am listening to what He speaks into me...I have seen results daily!

Except...
(and aren't there always exceptions...darn you exceptions for you just make everything much more difficult)

...this one HUGE thing that I feel is just being SCREAMED into my very being and etched into my heart mind and body in every way.
I.
Know.
What.
To.
Do.

Except...that I can't or won't do it. I'm putting it off and putting it off and pushing it out of my mind until this more convenient moment or place. But that moment is not coming. God is funny that way. How there is this overwhelming command that you absolutely cannot ignore even when it is the most inconvenient thing you could conceive. Because ignoring it is turning you back on Him, but following it is smashing yourself into a brick wall going 100mph KNOWING that you are without a doubt making it to the other side alive. Because my God is that great and I have that much faith. I know for certain there are better things in store for me if I just DO IT. It's that smashing part that is going to hurt like hell and it is holding me back something fierce.

That is the point, I believe. I have the faith - it pulses throughout me. I have no doubts concerning what needs to be done and why. I am not worried that things won't be better...I believe they will be almost immediately. I have no doubt in myself or my children or the people around me to be supportive. I will have all the support in the world, I am more than capable of dealing with what needs to be done, and I know I will be a better person for doing so. Best and MOST importantly - closer to God and a more faithful servant. But I have just got to get past this fear of the doing itself. It will be painful and it will be LESS than convenient.

I'm beginning to learn God is not always about convenience. I am afraid to learn that MOST of the time convenience is just not even a factor. To be faithful means to follow God's will no matter the hardships you may have to go through to do so. No matter the inconvenience or the struggle, you sometimes have to just take that leap of faith to keep up. Stalling and procrastinating and avoiding are not doing me any good. Until I just take that leap of faith I am stuck here when all I want is to move forward.