Skylar Faith turns 7!

This girl turns 7 today. She's not so little anymore! 

I do realize, that in 10 years, I'm sure that I will be looking back at THIS picture, saying the same thing.

No, she's not a baby anymore, but there is much more growing up left to do, and plenty of little girl still left within to nurture and love on. The realization flooded over me at just the right time... I crept into her room at 11:59pm. One minute until the clock struck midnight, August 19th, the day my Skylar Faith came into this world. I kissed the remnant of what once was a plump, full, rosy baby cheek, for the very last moment that I could still kiss it on 6 year old girl. Brushed her hair back, checked the clock again, and then kissed a seven year old. 

She was fast asleep, but I needed that moment with her, just as it was. I will probably never forget, I hope I don't. I hope that I continue to marvel at who she is as a person - every year, and every day. God really did bless me with an incredible child. She is so kind-hearted, loyal, patient and forgiving. 

She loves with this fullness I only wish I could tap into, it is so innocent and true. It could only come from a child, and I've really never seen anything much like it. She doesn't keep score yet. She just loves..she's going to be beautiful inside and out, and I can't wait to see how her natural born characteristics begin to develop with time. I just know she's going to make a difference in the lives of others in a big way....she already has in my own.

It is such an honor to be the mom of this girl. Time really goes by before your eyes. I can hardly remember life without her. Who am I kidding? There was no life before this girl! I was just a baby myself when I had her, and we've both grown together in these past seven years. She taught me what true, unconditional love is...that sacrifice is nothing without someone to sacrifice for. I can honestly say I'm a better person for having this girl in my life. I can only hope that she will say the same of me someday. Until then, I'm going to celebrate her life, help her prepare for her future, and keep kissing those cheeks as long as she'll let me.

"Mommy, I want...."

• you carry me.
• Lavaloli (at 7am) (Interpretation=ravioli)
• Choc-ee Meeeeeeeeeelk...now PLEASE!
• A big boy hug
• to see my kykyyyyyy (his sister)
• big toe pop (he ONLY likes his big toe popped)
• you be a monster (he likes mommy's monster noise...no one will hear it but him!)
• to watch batman with my batman robot guy, batman motorcycle bike, and big batman. 
• a 'jam-ich' (sandwich) and cars cheez itz
• to spin with you!...again!
• a race car
• you get me dooooown! (found him on the kitchen counter hunting for snacks AFTER lunch)

That was probably 1/10th of his requests for the day...we won't even get into the questions! He doesn't always get what he wants, but he makes sure I know it is [____T____H____I____S____] important. It must be the age, but EVERYTHING demands the utmost importance, and he doesn't easily forget or accept denials.

He's a demanding little batman loving, cabinet cleaning, inquisitive,  playful, and outspoken little guy.
I love him for every single thing he is, and will become. I pray that as he grows, he turns his demands into passion that fuels dreams, goals, and actions. He has an energy that cannot be contained, and I see a bright future for him. Thankful for this guy, even when he ensures I don't get a single moment of silence in a day. Who can resist such a voice?

My KyKy

This was my girl 5 years ago.

Skylar is officially a 1st grader. Can I please reiterate that... A STINKIN FIRST GRADER!

My girl is a full blown kid. She's been a full blown kid for awhile now but I am in complete denial. This little girl can almost read an entire book and rarely needs help sounding anything out. Her teacher was great and I am so sad to leave her...but we're hoping for the best next year!

She has gained such a sense of independence and her personality is coming out more everyday. She can just talk and talk and busts out with some pretty funny one liners! She is definitely her mama's daughter and I cannot believe how much she looks like my mom.

While I'm reveling in her development I want to take the time to remember my baby girl as a TRUE baby girl. What prompted this entire post was not her advancement into first grade, but simply her advancement as a child who is growing up before my eyes.

Just last year she still called her swim suit a "bay bay suit", and today without warning(which mommies sometimes need but don't often get) her pronunciation was on point. Bathing suit. Tear...seriously....

Milk is no longer 'nilk' and don't ask me when that happened, it just did. I corrected and corrected for years and someday it worked.

She no longer says purple and paper like a little french speaking child. She no longer delights in pointing  out to mommy the little flying creatures in the sky and saying 'burr?' for bird. She doesn't even remember her 'money bunny' or when her uncle taught at a year old to say "Show me the money!"

She is still such a sweet girl and reminds me of all the wonderful parts of my mom. I have a tendency to harp on the negative aspects of my mother, but she truly contributed such a spunky sweetness to my little girl that she hasn't ever seemed to lose. I hope she never does.

For now, I will soak up the hugs and "I want you's." Her desire to help me every way she can and her love of washing the dishes. The stick figures and JUST quite in the line drawings that say I love you mom. Her enthusiasm and exuberance and sassy disposition. She is just the slightest bit bossy but mostly just wants to love and be loved by everyone.

I have a couple little babyisms I can still treasure that will probably be kaput by next year.
Lemonade=Lemonlade
Heavy=Havy
and my absolute favoritist(give me a break I'm talking babyism's here)
Fabulous=Fablious.

To my BIG little girl your mommy treasures you so much. Watching you grow is such a blessing...bittersweet or not. I'm sure in 5 years I will be looking back at this post feeling the same as I do right now. A mother's love never subsides and neither will the memories.

Mother's Day THIS YEAR!

I have never been a fan of mother's day. Actually, never might be a strong word. For the last several years I have not been a fan of mother's day. There are several reasons for this

• My mom is gone and I am still harboring many painful memories that seem to outshine the good times. On a day like Mother's Day, honoring her and her memory seems impossible to me. Which transforms into major guilt. Yeah...major yuckiness. Blah!
• Ever since I have become a mother I've never had anybody try to make it special for me. On my very 1st Mother's Day I was completely forgotten by Skylar's dad "because I wasn't his mom" and it took tears to my parents at 11pm and a confrontation between he and my mom for him to care. I won't dwell on that because it is in the past and he is out of our lives, but let's just say that problem has rang true in the years since.
• Because I've either been single or around people who don't seem to care it just turns into another day that I am doing it all. Hear me out here ladies...a break from the kids is sometimes very welcomed!

I wasn't expecting much else to change this year. I guess I had forgotten I have changed.

This year it didn't hurt so bad. I remembered her but I didn't let it get me down. I was very busy and didn't have much of a moment to dwell, but I like to think I wouldn't have anyway. She is loved and missed terribly and I'm going to stop feeling guilty when it isn't destroying me - it's not supposed to!

This year I reveled in the fact I am a mom. I am SO blessed beyond belief with my children. They are a constant source of joy and pride in my life and my BEST accomplishment. Getting to see them grow as people and develop their very own unique personality is a gift every. single. day. 

This year I got to celebrate with an entirely new set of people in my life. Freedom Church! I am proud to call this church my home now and I am even more proud to partner with them. Since my babies were created by God himself there was no better way to spend Mother's Day but honoring Him and the blessings He has given me. We even got a performance by all the FreedomKidz that was too cute for words! The purse was nice too!

This year I spent the most of my day with my family. After church the kids took a little a nap and I did a little work. Then we went to my grandparents with my dad. I was elated to be spending my Mother's Day with my mom's mother and the sweetest grandmother in the whole world! I was even more surprised to find my aunts and uncle Warren there as well. The next best thing to spending my day with my mom is spending it with her family. My family. They are wonderful and supportive in everything I do - I wish I saw them more often!

This year my daddy got me exactly what I wanted - he might have had some help from a little birdie named ME! But nonetheless he came through and I can't wait to go to Sips n Strokes and get my paint on!

This year my biggest surprise was the gift from Joey! He had to work that morning and afternoon and didn't get off in time to make it out with us anywhere. I had been going non stop all weekend and still had quite a full plate(still do...here's my procrastination at it's finest!). I was exhausted and couldn't wait to get home. As soon as I walked in the door much to my surprise I walked into a ridiculously clean house. I'm talking spotless and organized and all at the hands of my man...and thank goodness b/c I had no time to devote to doing it and no patience for living in it. <3'd it!

So all in all, this year's Mother's Day was great. I know without a doubt I am loved and cherished...most importantly by my kids! It is a great feeling knowing you are the one their world moves around. Those bright eyes, huge grins, sweet kisses, and wet tears - they are all for me. Everyday I get to be a leader, encourager, teacher, chef, chauffeur, healer, dream catcher, soother, playmate, and MOMMY!

...and THAT is the reason I love Mother's Day this year!

The Mommy Meltdown

We had a little scare around here last night...well I guess I should say I had a little scare. Joey was the epitome of cool, calm, and collected. Thank God because I was having a MAJOR MELTDOWN. I am a mother so I feel that I am more prone to flipping out, and my gosh after birthing this 9 pounder I believe that's my right. It is quite customary for me to be brought to tears when my children are sick because I love them dearly and hate to see them suffer. However, last night was much more intense than usual!


It may be because I just recently read and watched 'Memory Keeper's Daughter' which was a great read and also a fuel to my fire of borderline hypochondriac-ness.  Possibly because of this blog http://www.natalienortonphoto.com/  which I came across a couple of months ago. I still follow it because she is THAT inspiring, talented, and just has a way of saying things. She has also suffered a tremendous tragedy and handles it with so much grace it has at times brought me to tears. It may be because reading her family's story is what prompted me to choose the topic of vaccinations for my research paper. That research has cemented in my the dire importance of vaccinations - and also educated me on more illnesses and ramifications than I care to know about. But mostly, I have a PARALYZING fear of losing another loved one. My mother was one thing, but my children are on that I can't handle it level. And I couldn't.

He woke up screaming at 1am, which isn't unheard of he usually just wants his paci. As soon as I picked him up I knew something was wrong. He was completely limp, like a dead fish. Disoriented and on fire. Joey called in the recruits and wrangled up the baby gear while I just held my baby and sobbed. Of course I had no fever reducers thanks to the wonderful likes of  McNeil products recalling motrin and tylenol. I cannot tell you all the thoughts that ran through my head. He was FINE and showed no symptoms of infection. I prayed and sobbed and sniffled until we were at the hospital.

He HATED the hospital. The bracelet was the first thing that set him off, and continued to set him off throughout our stay. Temperature and blood pressure checks were no piece of cake either. Don't even get me started on the doctor trying to look into all those little holes of infection. The only thing this kid was happy about was the popsicle he was given by the nurses(I'm sure to shutup the symphonic levels of volume my child can hit)

After MUCH screaming and tears(from him and I) it was a freaking ear infection. I bawled. I literally said THANK GOD it's in an ear infection and then collapsed into sobs of anxiety releasing joy. Joey kept telling him, "Mommy is only being crazy because she loves you that much." I couldn't have said it better.